The Most Realistic Fake Cum Products I've Tried
Written by: Angela Watson | Updated: January 5th, 2019
The sex toy & adult pleasure industry is a vast, diverse ocean that can be a little jarring to the uninitiated, maybe even disgusting to those with more puritanical tastes than others. That hasn't stopped the industry from blossoming to cover just about every kinky fantasy a man or woman can have.
That brings us to the idea of fake cum. The idea of replicating male ejaculate for the carnal desire it can bring out in people has been a goal for many, with some even going as far as making their own fake semen. The ideal fake semen is the same in color, viscosity, and texture as the real thing and bonus points if it is edible and tastes desirable too, but that last attribute is still what eludes most manufacturers to this day. Also, fake cum typically also doubles as essentially cum lube too, so the purposes it is supposed to serve casts a pretty wide net.
Some people choose to put this fake cum inside of of a squirting dildo to replicate the experience of someone ejaculating inside of them, while other just like the look it can add to a sexual experience while also giving everything some much needed lubrication.
We've delved deep into the world of replica ejaculates so you don't have to, and here are the standouts as far as we're concerned:
The Best Cum Lubes
Master Series Jizz (Editors Choice)
What makes the Master Series water based cum lube so interesting is that it also boasts being semen scented. That means some very pocket-protected scientists all got together and distilled the essence of jizzum down to a single scent chemical and then found the best ways to replicate that scent. The scent is best tested while in use, if you smell directly from the bottle it'll be a bit overpowering.
The Jizz water based lube is great because it washes out easily, is compatible with all kinds of sex toys, and won't degrade condoms if you're trying to use it during protected sex. It is extremely white in color, the perfect level of clearness, pretty spot-on as far as viscosity goes and the scent is unmistakably that of cum. It isn't as sticky as the real thing so it functions great as lube, it is extremely slick.
It looks extremely real and is easy to clean, but where it doesn't stack up is in the taste department. Don't, and I really mean don't, get any of this in your mouth. It tastes awful.
Doc Johnson Nutt Butter (Runner Up)
Here's another water-silicone hybrid lube that does a great job at replicating what is now my favorite term for ejaculate, man relish.
The feel between your fingers of hybrid lube is definitely different than the water-based options and gets a little closer to that odd texture that real semen has when rubbed between the fingers. It is not as white as other options but if you have enough of it in a single place it will be hard to see through, so it's kind of like the semen from a man who knows how to hydrate himself. What I'm trying to say is that it is translucent in nature.
Its body-safe but not compatible with silicone toys, won't stain, and has little to no scent to speak of. This product is a favorite of my transgender clients who want to be able to replicate having some realistic ejaculate to play around with in their sex life, as it offers one of the most realistic feel out of option of fake semen options.
Bad Dragon Cumlube (Best Bulk Option)
Our next entry for worthwhile fake semen is none other than Bad Dragon Cumlube. Boasting a fantastic texture and consistency from a water based formula, it is another great option for those who have bukkake or pearl necklace fantasies that they'd like satiated without all of the hassle of organizing a real life orgy.
Cumlube comes unscented and is extremely delicate on the skin, I recommend this one for anyone who's worried that they might have an allergic reaction to other products as it is quite delicate.
These types of water based lubes tend to fare better in the slickness and longevity department that most other water-based lubes because the consistency expected of a semen stand-in makes for a long lasting lube regardless of purpose. It is compatible with condoms and all variety of sex toys, which makes it a great choice if you want an unscented option for your ejaculating dildo.
It is unscented and unflavored, aka the flavor is less than appealing. It has more of a plain taste compared to actual cum.
Squirtz Cum Lube by Cyberskin
Here's another unscented and unflavored option for those who just want the look and feel with none of the less desirable aspects of semen.
It's entirely water based but just a dime-sized amount goes longer than you'd think so don't over apply when using it as lubrication, its much better lubricant than it is eye candy and it does a pretty good job at both.
It's probably the easiest out of all of them to clean up on this list too, which is a major plus if you like to use a lot or just get carried away. It isn't extremely runny, just enough to get that perfect spread typical of a worthwhile money shot. The water based formula is also extremely gentle on the skin and we use it as lube without much care for the semen aspect very often because of how satisfied we are with it.
Not like any of the others had much subtlety to them, but after looking at a bottle of Spunk Lube you already know exactly what you're going to receive.
This lube is referred to as a hybrid lube because it is a mixture of water based and silicone based lube, making something in between. This means it lasts longer than the water based only options and has a creamier consistency but it also means it is incompatible with silicone based toys. It is non staining, slightly scented in our opinion (smells not like cum but like debauchery, if that makes sense), and is not appealing in the flavor department.
It does a fantastic job at mimicking the real deal and is a pinch better at a few of the attributes of cum compared to water based lubes but is still easy to wash off and won't ruin your sheets. The consistency, texture, thickness, and slight stickiness of the real thing are all present with Spunk Lube and for that we applaud the manufacturer.
There's no real taste to speak of, but I don't recommend going out of your way to eat loads of the stuff.
If you're on a budget or would simply rather make your own fake cum/cum lube, I've created a simple guide that walks you through a few different fake cum recipes. Since I know some people would rather make their own at home instead of ordering a pre-packaged product.
There you have it, five of the most worthwhile options as far as fake cum goes. We also tried the Bad Dragon cum lube, but we found it was way too stringy and difficult to clean to be worthwhile, it's a much less well thought out product overall in our humble opinion.
So all of those who are feeling a little peckish in the bedroom or have a semen fetish, your prayers have been answered. If you plan on using these in an ejaculating dildo, make sure to get the entirely water-based options. The hybrids say they are compatible with silicone based toys, but use at your own risk as silicone based lubes are known to contribute to the breakdown of silicone toys.
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