How To Choose A Dildo:
A Beginners Dildo Guide

Written by: Angela Watson | Updated: January 3rd, 2018

Hello, my name is Angela Watson and I've been a sex therapist for over ten years. Women have often came to me because they need help augmenting either their solo or partner play to improve overall sexual satisfaction and health.

Whether it be to make up for biological limitations of either partner that prevent a fully satisfying experience, or just to keep things flowing, a dildo is a fantastic tool to keep in the bedside drawer.

It's worth adding that wanting any dildo does not make you a de-facto sex lunatic who needs outside help to satisfy her natural urges. It's entirely healthy to have something for yourself when you need to practice some self-care and your partner does not need feel intimidated or cast aside in favor of your new sex toy.

If you're worried your partner may object to you having a dildo, I wholeheartedly recommend having an open and honest chat with your partner about how this does not mean they do not satisfy you or that you don't want them anymore, it simply means you want to connect with your sexuality on a deeper level. Including your dildo in sex with your partner at least once should help diffuse any apprehension held by them as well as cement the toy as something you bought to augment sexual contact, not outsource it.

Once you've decided you'd like to purchase a dildo, the next task is figuring out what exactly you want your toy to accomplish for you. A simple Google search reveals hundreds if not thousands of dildos of varying size, shape, material, and of course price. This might seem like an overload of information, and some dildos are downright intimidating in name and design, but this guide is aimed at making the process easier for women who have begun their search for greater sexual pleasure.

Size​​​​​

In the realm of dildos, two measurements are king: length and diameter.

Diameter refers to how wide across a dildo is. A larger diameter means a larger circumference (girth). The average diameter of an erect male penis is approximately 1.5 inches and the average girth being about 4.5 inches, so it's worth taking an inventory of your sexual experiences to figure out what gets you off the best. For reference, the diameter of a can of Coca-Cola is about 2.5 inches.

If you enjoy the feeling of your vaginal walls being stretched to accommodate a feeling of fullness, 1.5 inches is a good starting point and you can move up from there if you desire. If your preferences are more towards feeling specific sensations or G-spot hunting, dildos in the range of 1 inch to 1.25 inches are a much better fit. 

This picture is not to scale, but it shows the relationship between diameter and girth.

I recommend taking out a ruler and seeing just how wide an inch or two is for yourself. It helps if you have any cylindrical objects around, measure a carrot or a cucumber and hold it in your hands to get a better idea of what your dildo is going to be like. Remember: there are easy ways to increase the diameter of your dildo, but no easy way to reduce it.

Length obviously refers to how long a dildo is.  The average vagina of a non-aroused woman is 3 to 4 inches, but the vagina elongates when a woman becomes aroused and this allows for another three to five inches to be inserted. Length is less of a deal-breaker when it comes to dildos, because if a dildo is too long for you you simply don't need to insert it all. Some women I've talked to prefer a dildo slightly larger than what they can accommodate so it is easier to handle. If you wish to go this route, I suggest purchasing a cock ring to place on the dildo as a place marker for how deep you'd like to insert it, the cock-ring can also be turned on for a vibrating sensation on your clitoris. The most commonly sold dildos are 7-9 inches in length and this is what I recommend for beginners.

Shape

The next important attribute to cover is shape. The most basic dildo possible is a cylinder of uniform diameter of a certain length, working up to beaded options or options that look to be near-perfect replicas of an actual male penis. What you choose is completely up to you and your personal preferences. If you would prefer an experience closest to real sex, a realistic dildo will suit you perfectly as these try to replicate the shape and feel of a real penis to the best of their ability. Other more creative dildos are designed to stimulate the G-spot specifically or to create a range of sensations that simply cannot be delivered by a human male's penis. I must remind you that you're buying a dildo first and foremost for yourself, there is no reason to choose something less "embarassing," this is something you're doing for you.

The only extra feature that would concern newcomers in my opinion is the lack or inclusion of a suction cup. A suction cup allows you to attach the dildo to a wall for hands free stimulation of your vagina. Being able to use  your toy in as many different ways as possible (shower, floors, etc) may make your toy more versatile & well used.

Materials

There two main concerns with regards to dildo material, feel & sanitation. The feel concerns how much give a dildo has, IE if it is squishy or firm. Sanitation however concerns how clean you are able to get your dildo after each usage, some materials are hotbeds for bacteria and really are only good as short term sex toys.

What makes a dildo easier to keep sanitized over others is whether or not the material is porous. Porous materials allow dirt, bacteria, and other undesirable substances to make a permanent home inside your dildo and are typically softer. These materials include rubber, jelly, PVC, and most flesh substitutes.  Porous materials cannot be boiled or cleaned with harsh chemicals without risking the breakdown of the material and further contamination. Porous materials are typically cheaper as well, but you get what you pay for. Porous toys should under no circumstances be shared between partners and can even re-infect the user with a past yeast or bacterial infection. It is for this reason that I suggest silicone above all else. Silicone is non-porous and comes in various densities of varying hardness, so every preference can be satisfied. Silicone can also be completely sanitized by boiling or a bleach solution (make sure to wash thoroughly after using a bleach solution!) making it the ideal toy in both the feel in sanitation department.

Different Types of Dildos

For the most part dildos are basically the same except for their shape. However it's worth mentioning that there are different types of dildos such as squirting dildos (also called ejaculating dildos), thrusting dildos, realistic dildos and many many more.

How Much Do They Cost?

I would not recommend spending over sixty dollars on your first dildo. Your first dildo should satisfy a few specifics you know you'd like, but should also be fairly run-of-the-mill. This allows you to use your first dildo as a springboard to move forward in the world of self-stimulation. You are also not out a large sum of money if you decide that that particular dildo isn't right for you. I also would not recommend spending less than twenty dollars on a dildo. Dildos that are overly cheap are more than likely made with materials that are not body safe and could end up causing serious harm to your reproductive organs. Even if a dildo is advertised to be 100% medical grade silicone, if it is extremely cheap that is a red flag that the purity of that silicone is likely much less than advertised.

My Recommendations

Here is a list of dildos I find work best for those new to the scene, they're all made of silicone:

The Vamp has 6.75'' of insertable length and has a diameter of 1.6''. It's a perfect starting dildo in my opinion because it's in the perfect middle of the road range for size and has a very desirable firmness of silicone. The shaft is slightly textured for a less vanilla experience.

The Vamp retails for $42.00 and can be purchased here

Billie proves the old saying that good things are small packages. Wait, that's not it. Anyway, the silicone Billie is 4 .68'' long x 1.2" in diameter.  It's on the smaller side for sure, but the angled designed makes it better for G-spot hunting. It's rigid but has a very natural squishiness to it at the topmost layer.

The Billie retails for $36.00 and can be purchased here

The Bouncer is one of the larger options in this list coming in at 7'' long and 1.5'' in diameter. Those lumps in the picture are 3 weighted balls that shift around as you thrust inside, an experience I have yet to find in another dildo. It's a very pleasurable choice for a first dildo, perfect size and perfect feel.

The Bouncer dildo is one of the more expensive options on this list at $99.00 and can be found here

Letsgasm Perfect Fit dildo is 6" long by 1.45'' around and was cast from a real life dong! There's an included suction cup and it's relatively bendy but not floppy. It's about as close to what most women say they prefer in penis size as it gets in this market.

The Perfect Fit retails for $19.95 and can be found here

Tantus Acute is a smooth textured dildo in the medium size range, coming in at 5'' long and 1.25'' in diameter. Angled for your pleasure, it's yet another fantastic beginner dildo choice.

The Tantus Acute retails for $36.00 and can be found here

If you're on a budget and don't want to fork over the cash to buy a dildo, I've written a guide which explains how to make a dildo out of everyday household items. You can also use the Clone-A-Willy to clone your partners penis.

Conclusion

There you have it.

Those are my top 5 favorite dildo's. Hopefully you learnt something! Be sure to leave a comment down below if you have any questions at all. Or if you have a favorite dildo of your own, mention it down below. We'd love to hear from you!

About Angela Watson

I'm a sex therapist by day and a sex blogger by night. I love to crush the taboos surrounding sex toys and help people become more sexually liberated. There's no topic too risqué for me to cover and I hope to educate and inform my readers on all things sex. All things that concern the female anatomy or require a more clinical approach than my husband Don can provide is covered by me.

Leave a Reply 0 comments

Leave a Reply: