How To Use Anal Toys Safely:
10 Steps to Avoid Getting Butt Hurt

Written by: Angela Watson | Updated: June 20th, 2023

Anal play is at the top of most men's wishlist for sexual activity and a source of apprehension for most women.

Most men refuse to have anything come near their rear ends out of fear or misplaced machismo when the truth of the matter is that the posterior is an under served and under utilized part of most people's bodies when it comes to sexual pleasure.

Anal toys can help individuals explore their bodies more and become much more cognizant of the sheer range of sensations they can experience. As far as women are concerned, many are woefully unaware of the fact that the vagina and the anal cavity have a shared wall and that applying pressure from behind can make for an entirely new kind of sensation within the vagina. Men on the other hand tend to be misinformed as to the raw orgasmic pleasure that can be achieved from tickling the prostate, an unfortunate fact in my opinion because after I had my first go with prostate pleasure I find trouble going without it.

So for those reasons I've decided to create a comprehensive guide about all things anal to help explain what kind of thinking goes into deciding to incorporate some anal stimulation and how to best achieve satisfactory results.

Why Anal?

The apprehension behind going up the body's most forbidden hole is somewhat well placed. I mean, the vagina/penis is more purpose built for sexual pleasure, why do you have to involve the butt?

Straight men can be 100% against the idea of anal play because of long standing associations that butt stuff is for homosexuals, when this is as far as possible from the truth. Homosexual activity, besides being 100% alright and acceptable in its own right, is activity between two people of the same biological gender. Whether or not you realize it, inanimate objects have no gender, and you can also incorporate anal play into sex with partners of any gender, so it isn't a homosexual-only club. There's nothing homosexual about knowing exactly what sensations your body is capable of and exploiting them to your advantage. Some men choose butt plugs because they like having something there changing things up and there is of course the wonder of having your prostate played with. The prostate is commonly referred to as the male G-spot and anyone who's had theirs stimulated knows for the possibility of hands-free as well as jaw-dropping orgasms that result from a little prostate play.

Many women actually thoroughly enjoy the feeling of "fullness" that can come with anal play and it is a great way to take advantage of sensations typical of double penetration without having to involve a third human being in your sex life. If there is a toy in the anal cavity of a woman during sex, the bottom of her vagina will press into the toy/genitalia of her partner allowing for a much wider range of pleasure. As long as the toys are inserted properly and sanitized after each use, there's no reason to feel like you are engaging in immoral activity or that there's something wrong with you for enjoying anal play. Many women have a bad experience with a partner who isn't fully aware of how to keep them comfortable during anal play and are put off from it from the rest of their lives, hopefully this guide can help show you why it might be worth revisiting.

How To Use Anal Toys Properly

The following advice is meant to serve as a way to make sure that you stay as safe and comfortable as possible during anal play. These tips can be applied to the insertion of anything inside the anus, whether it be foreign objects or your partner's genitals themselves. As much as I've talked up anal play during this article, I will agree that anal done improperly is one of the most uncomfortable and least sexy things possible.

So, here's how to do things properly:

  1. Make sure you're comfortable and in the mood. If you just aren't feeling it on a particular night, anal play is something that should not be forced as a cooperative anus is a happy anus.
  2. The first toy you decide to get or even the first session with your partner, make sure that you're ready for the shape and size of what's going up there. A butt plug is designed to be inserted and then left in place and they come in a multitude of sizes. Keep in mind how the toys are meant to be used. Butt plugs and prostate massagers are meant to remain stationary while things like anal beads are intended to be inserted and removed repeatedly.
  3. After you figure out your toy, make sure it is made from body-safe materials free of phthalates and other undesirable materials. Medical grade silicone and stainless steel come to mind. Also, make sure there is a large flared base on your toy to prevent it from going too far up your anus. The sphincter is incredibly strong and you don't know if a sudden surprise will end up ruining your night when you tense up because of it. Ideally your first toy isn't that big either, but sometimes fortune favors the brave.
  4. Clean the toy with soap and water beforehand. Afterwards, apply lube liberally. Water based lubes are your friend if you're using a silicone based toy as silicone based lubes interact poorly with silicone toys. The lube should be applied to both the toy and the entrance of your anal cavity. As far as anal is concerned, there is no such thing as overdoing it.
  5. Now, get yourself into a position with lots of control and leverage. The range of motion necessary for inserting an anal toy is slightly awkward so you'll have to think this through carefully.
  6. Next, relax yourself completely and put the toy right at the beginning of your anus, applying slight pressure. Keep it there and allow your body to get used to the temperature and pressure being applied before slowly inserting the toy more and more. Slow and steady wins the race, people. You don't have to get it all the way inserted in one go, inch by inch is more than fine.
  7. Once it is inserted fully, you can try and take your hands off of the toy. If it feels like it is being pushed out you might have to hold it in for a while.
  8. Keep in mind that once you orgasm your muscles might tense up and shoot the toy out from your anus. Having a towel nearby as a kind of landing zone is a prudent move if you don't want to play hot potato with a recently used anal toy.
  9. If the toy didn't rapidly eject during orgasm, you can grab the toy by the base and take it out just as slowly as you inserted it, don't remove it too fast or you might tear something inside of yourself.
  10. Finally, take the toy and wash it thoroughly with soap and water. I do mean thoroughly, you're fully aware of what your butt is capable of.

What If Something Gets Stuck?

The worst case scenario if you don't choose a toy with a flared based is that the toy gets sucked up into the rectal cavity and then you're there extremely worried about what to do next.

First off, I'd like to say that you should never use an anal toy without a flared base. The anus is extremely sensitive to the point where tearing it is a serious issue.

If you're too far gone and are reading this now looking for helpful advice, well, get comfortable, because it might be in there for a while. Your first line of defense is of course gravity and your sphincter muscles.

You should get in a squatting position and lay a towel down for the toy to land on. From there, try and relax your anus bit by bit and try to, well, poop it out more or less. You shouldn't overexert yourself or try too hard or else you risk causing even more damage. Go as slowly as possible and don't push like you've just eaten an entire box of granola bars. Squatting and coughing prison style is another worthwhile strategy.

I really feel for you during these trying times, trust me.

If that fails, you'll have to go to a hospital. As embarrassing as it might seem, the ER staff are actually very familiar with this type of issue. I won't lie to you, you'll probably be the topic of some lunch room conversation but they'll forget about it almost as quickly as they fix it. Don't delay, leaving a sex toy in your rectum for too long can cause some serious health issues and what are you going to do if you need to go? Just go to the hospital, it is worth any nurses knowing what you get up to in your spare time.


Anal play can be a liberating and insanely fun experience, if done properly. Make sure that you understand fully what you're getting yourself into and do everything in your power to make things go as smoothly as possible. Silicone based lubes have the most staying power for their slickness so I'd recommend those, but if you are using silicone toys unfortunately that option is out, so oil based is your next best bet.

And for god's sake, go slow!

About Angela Watson

I'm a sex therapist by day and a sex blogger by night. I love to crush the taboos surrounding sex toys and help people become more sexually liberated. There's no topic too risqué for me to cover and I hope to educate and inform my readers on all things sex. All things that concern the female anatomy or require a more clinical approach than my husband Don can provide is covered by me. Have any questions? You can contact me via email.

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