How To Properly Have Anal Sex:
A Guide To Do Anal Sex The Right Way

Written by: Angela Watson | Updated: January 28th, 2019

Anal sex can be tricky business. While extremely erotic and fun if you're into it, it has its own set of complications that make it different than other sexual acts. The vagina is purpose built for sex and the mouth is used to having things inserted inside of it, but the anal cavity is a whole other story.

Evolution designed the anus as a one way tube, there's no getting around that. Otherwise, we'd have a lot more innocent forms of butt play as opposed to satiating our needs to put things inside various holes. Not knocking anal sex by any means, I'm a big proponent of it myself.

For years though as a young woman I was always very apprehensive, it also wasn't helped by the fact that my first few boyfriends were less than considerate and only cared about their enjoyment, much less my comfort.

I'm not with them anymore thankfully, and I'm with the love of my life who's able to ease me into anal sex and showed me that it was after all something I could get some serious kicks out of. It was a long, slow procedure for us to figure out what works the best, and we're willing to share it with you today.

Before You Start

Remember, no matter how badly your partner is asking for it, if you don't want to perform anal sex, you don't have to and you actually shouldn't. A reluctant anus is hardly an accommodating anus and if your partner isn't able to respect your wishes with regards to your bodily orifices, you should consider having a serious chat with them about how they view your body and your enjoyment.

Also, you don't have to go straight into anal sex with your partner, you can start by using toys. If you're interested in a guide on how to use anal toys properly, we've written one that can be read here. This is one part of human sexuality that is best taken at its own pace bit by bit until you're entirely comfortable with the idea.

How To Have Anal Sex

It's worth noting that unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating.  Also, it is worth mentioning that the anal tissue is extremely fragile and should be treated gently and with respect. Excess makes a mess, I always say. Let's get to it, though.

Apply Lube Generously

As stated earlier, you're going to have to bring your own lubricant to the butt party. Whether or not you use a condom is completely up to you, but personally I'd recommend the use of a condom so bacteria doesn't spread anywhere it shouldn't. I recommend using a silicone based lube as they are compatible with condoms as well as insanely slick and long lasting. Water based lubes are an alright choice as they are compatible with condoms, but I personally find they need frequent reapplication to avoid discomfort.

Silicone lubes are long lasting and extremely slick. It might be TMI, but my morning movement the day after is always a walk in the park.

I've written a separate post all about the best lubes for anal sex if you want to learn more.

Go Slow

The penis should be inserted slowly and carefully until it is completely inside of the receiving partner. The toughest part will be moving through the initial opening and then allowing the plumbing inside to relax to make way for the penis. After some time, the anus will clue in and give the penis enough room to work with without closing in on itself. Some blood isn't abnormal, but if it seems excessive or frightening you should stop immediately and call a doctor if the bleeding lasts longer than an hour.

If at any point it begins to hurt, tell your partner to stop and immediately discontinue anal sex for the time being until you're comfortable enough to try again. Some strange, new sensations are to be expected but pain isn't one of them. This is supposed to be fun for both partners, so the minute you aren't having any fun as the receiver in anal sex you should let your voice be heard.

Communication Is Key

By this point the penis should be inserted inside the anus and should be comfortable without movement. This next part is going to require a lot of communication between partners. The male needs to figure out how quickly and deeply he can thrust without causing the receiver any discomfort. For this to happen, both partners need to communicate the entire time to prevent any bad things from happening.

By going slow and figuring out what works, you'll be able to ease into anal sex and eventually cross the finish line.

Other Tips

Personally, I find that doggy-style or lying flat on your stomach is the easiest way to perform anal sex. That way, the anus is as straight as possible and very easy to access as well as put an end to things if they aren't going as expected.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you should by no means immediately transition to vaginal sex after having anal sex without switching condoms or going for a shower. The bacteria in the anus should stay in the anus and not be spread around the body. It's pretty much the same reason why girls shouldn't wipe back to front.

It's probably going to feel weird the first few times, that's normal. It might feel like you have to go #2 or that there's this weird feeling of pressure inside of you, but as the initial feelings wear off you should slowly become more comfortable. I won't speak for all women, but after the first five pumps or so I'm pretty comfortable.

Make sure to relax your pelvic floor muscles. If you've ever done kegels, those are the muscles I'm talking about. You don't want to tense up the muscles and risk tearing something inside of you. If you can't manage to relax your pelvic floor muscles, anal sex probably isn't for you.

And remember, if you don't like it, you're not obligated to do it again.

Final Words

Hopefully your foray into anal sex is as comfortable and gainful as possible. There is good reason to be somewhat guarded about this particular hole, but an irrational fear isn't healthy either. Try first with a finger or a toy before you go all the way with anal sex and make sure to keep the size of your partner's genitalia in mind. If you're a small person and your partner is particularly well endowed, it might just not be in the cards for you, and that's OK.

Best of luck, I wish you all the best!

About Angela Watson

I'm a sex therapist by day and a sex blogger by night. I love to crush the taboos surrounding sex toys and help people become more sexually liberated. There's no topic too risqué for me to cover and I hope to educate and inform my readers on all things sex. All things that concern the female anatomy or require a more clinical approach than my husband Don can provide is covered by me.

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