Sex Roleplay:
How To Get Started

Written by: Angela Watson | Updated: January 14th, 2019

When you first start seeing someone intimately, there's really no need for any kind of roleplay. Being yourselves is more than enough as you decide to explore each others bodies and get to know one another. Over time, as people become more and more acquainted with each other, a desire does grow to spice things up and throw some kink into play. Our imaginations don't go away just because we've grown up, our fantasies just take on new roles.

For a lot of people, their first entrance into any kind of sexual roleplay is while both parties are heavily intoxicated after a Halloween party. It can be a lot of fun to think of your partner as an entirely new person as they don a new persona just to get you off. While sexy nurse, sexy schoolgirl, or sexy vampire/zombie/witch are some of the more common tropes, they are still worthwhile all the same and can make some memories that last way longer than your average Tuesday night sex session.

Maybe you yourself have had a burning desire to weave a sexy narrative between you and your partner or maybe you want to make your partner's deepest fantasies a reality. Choosing to engage in some adult roleplay can permanently change your sexual adventures for the better. But how do you go about it in a healthy and gainful way? I've been around the block long enough to know what works and what doesn't, so today I'm going to help all of my readers kick things up a notch in eroticism.

First Things First: Have The Conversation

Everyone has sexual hangups and before two people even really decide to engage in some sex roleplay, you have to understand that both partners really have no idea what the other is thinking when it comes to the subject.

As connected as the two of you are emotionally, neither of you are mind readers and communication is key in this aspect of a relationship much like it is in every other aspect. The conversation is best had in the comfort of your own home while the two of you are relaxing and lounging together. This is an opportunity for both of you to share your most concealed sexual fantasies and see what aspects of roleplay are compatible between the two of you. The conversation itself is probably going to be a huge turn on, since you're getting to know each other in a hugely intimate fashion.

Share both of your fantasies with each other and explore the implications of them. Crack jokes, poke around the edges, figure out what exactly about said fantasies get you going. These can range from the simplistic, like a woman asking her partner to try and pick her up at the bar to make her feel like a desirable single again after years of being in a relationship, or even more out there like deciding to be someone who sneaks into her bedroom at night and has his way with her.

No matter how complex the fantasy, they typically function to scratch a very simple itch. Losing control, gaining control, or being able to completely commit to a mindset that they can't express in their day to day lives. Sexual liberation is the name of the game here. It's about cutting all of the ties in our mind that cause us anxiety and trap us all into little boxes where we're expected to act a certain way. That's why sex roleplay is so liberating, you're freeing yourself from your day to day issues.

So make sure to have an in-depth and proper conversation where both partners fantasies are thoroughly fleshed out and explored. There's nothing too risque or out there, this is where boundaries are discovered and the foundation is laid for both of you to be as comfortable as possible.

Set Your Limits

One partner's fantasies might be a lot more forceful or out of the ordinary than the other's, so you need to make sure both of you understand what you are comfortable with. Each should put forward what things they would consider as going too far, both physically and within the mental realms of fantasy. Spanking could be okay, but slapping the face could be too far. Being in control can be fine, but being downright malevolent might make someone uncomfortable.

A relationship is predicated on respect and comfort. The roleplay situations should never cross any lines if both people are to fully involve themselves and end up having a good time. That's why it's extremely important to talk out with your partner what the lines are and when they shouldn't be crossed.

Start Small

If you and your partner aren't particularly used to putting on a new role in the bedroom, it's best to start small as opposed to going straight for the rape fantasies and sex slave play.

Begin with relatively normal and benign things, like your partner being more domineering and bossy than usual, or perhaps even just throwing in some new props to start with. One of the easiest entry level roleplay options to begin with is that you pretend you're in an earlier state of your relationship, like before the two of you met and became comfortable with each other, and you both specifically try to exploit each other's desire to impress the other like how it was during the beginning of the relationship.

Some of the best adult roleplay topics are centered around abusing a power dynamic. Things like teacher and student or doctor and patient come to mind. Part of roleplay is of course picking a role and then going along with it. Think of the past jobs you or your partner have worked and try to factor that into the equation. If you partner worked at a department store or an Ikea for a period of time, surprise them by buying them an old uniform from a costume shop or even a thrift shop and have them get back into their old mindset. Except this time, they'll be doing a little more slacking on the job than they're used to.

Use Props & Scene Play

At this point both of you are essentially actors in a play that has no audience. What's a good show without props and a believable setting?

Just the presence of certain objects can mingle with the erotic parts of our brain and make us go absolutely bonkers, plus it helps when trying to stay in character. Take a trip to your local costume & party store and see what you can buy based on the fantasies you've created for each other. Be as creative as possible, your kitchen island can be turned into a massage table by adding a sheet and a yoga mat for some sexy masseur play, or your couch can quickly be turned into just about anything with the right added extras.

It's about abusing psychology and making things fun, both of you will understand deep down that you're still in your house with each other, but playing pretend is a bucket load of fun.

Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

This article should be taken as loose tips to follow to make yourself more game for the task at hand, not as a rigid guidebook that absolutely has to be followed.

There's going to be times where you have no choice but to giggle at the silliness of the situation or break character momentarily. That's completely fine and in my opinion is 100% part of the experience. There's times where it might feel awkward but it's important that you embrace that as opposed to thinking that it detracts from the overall experience. Nobody else is privy to what is happening except you and your partner, don't sweat the small things. The fantasy might be weird and outlandish, it's perfectly fine to acknowledge that fact before getting right back into the swing of things.

If you keep your expectations low and don't hound your partner to behave the exact way you have pictured in your head, there's a lot more room for spontaneity and fun. It's closer to improv than it is to movie acting.

Final Words

Sex roleplay is a rocking good time and an absolute barrel of laughs to boot. It's essentially a date night activity in and of itself, it requires activating parts of your brain that help you forget about the monotony of your daily routines and keeps things fresh and exciting. As long as both people have talked out their expectations and desires beforehand, its a recipe for a good time.

Think it through, keep things fun & light, and see where it takes you. You might be surprised where you end up.

About Angela Watson

I'm a sex therapist by day and a sex blogger by night. I love to crush the taboos surrounding sex toys and help people become more sexually liberated. There's no topic too risqué for me to cover and I hope to educate and inform my readers on all things sex. All things that concern the female anatomy or require a more clinical approach than my husband Don can provide is covered by me.

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